*hug* allow yourself to feel what you feel and post here (i don't like groups either and feel so alone since my mom passed January 2014...ruff times for me 1 year later...
Maybe this will help...
An aunt who has experienced much loss in her life told me something. To paraphrase. It will get easier with time, but when you lose someone so special to you the loss is always there. That person is always in your heart.
Now I'm not sure of your mom's situation. But one thing that helped me a lot to grieve was to understand my mom was "finally at peace." It brought me much comfort - even though I felt so so alone.... It's actually the first thing her oldest brother told me when I called...she was "finally at peace." She was abused by her father and husband. Medicated most of her adult life (nothing helped...doctors at a lose what to do.)
I want to leave you with this. Morning 3 days after my mom passed I felt my mom wanted me to hear the song "Refugee" by Melissa Etheridge. I downloaded the album on Rhapsody. Main lyric being "you don't have to live like a refugee." (to give you idea of my life feelings...) But phone messed up in middle, and skipped to song "This is Not Goodbye". I was in public on a nature trail with views from my apartment buildings. I walked for an hour or two listening to "This is Not Goodbye" and crying. Yea I'm a guy seriously crying in public while walking. I didn't care at that point what neighbors thought. Seriously my mom passed. Who can judge that??? (I had also been living in new city less than 2 months..so didn't care what people thought at that point.)
"This Is Not Goodbye" by Melissa Etheridge. (not official video..just close eyes and listen..)
Here are lyrics...
"Bravely you let go of my hand
I can't speak yet you understand
Where I go now, I go alone
This path I walk, these days of stone
And the angels are calling
I must go away
Wait for me here, silently stay
And don't ask me why
Only believe this is not goodbye
All of my strength, all my desire
Still cannot melt this breath of fire
I go to meet some kind of test
Bury the truth that scars my chest
And the angels are calling and calling
I must go away
Wait for me here, silently stay
And don't ask me why
Only believe this is not goodbye
I gathered all my courage
I shaved off all my fear
With this banner on my shoulder
I hold your essence near
And the angels are calling and calling and calling
I must go away
Wait for me here, silently stay
And don't ask me why
Only believe this is not goodbye
Only believe this is not goodbye"
......