I'm sorry your session went like that.

My T doesn't get me 100%, but like you, I don't even get myself 100%. But no one does (if anyone does understand themselves 100%, please contact me...seriously...my T wants to meet you).

My T sometimes likes to deflect my issues with her. It's usually when I'm concerned about what she thinks or feels. She says that therapy is about ME not her. I know it's stupid, but I always respond that I might as well talk to the wall. This week she got clever. She said that then I wouldn't get to see emotions. So I told her I could always draw a happy face on the wall. This is like the 10th time I had to say that. So she hasn't yet learned that about me.

The problem with that topic btwn me and my T is that it's difficult to change who a person is. I'm the type of person who cares very deeply for anyone I allow into my life. For clarification, no I don't get attached to everyone in my life. The problem is that I spend so much time caring for others and not myself. So my T naturally wants me to worry about me and not her. It's not that she doesn't care or wants me to change who I am, but she wants me to learn how to balance this aspect better.

Does that make sense? Maybe that's what your T is trying to communicate with you?

The way my T helps with that is by providing lots and lots of reassurance that our relationship is okay. If I know that everything is okay btwn us and nothing has changed, I worry less about her and focus more on myself.

Maybe some reassurance about your relationship will help easy your concerns?

And another way to maybe help you process things is to ask your T to help you analyze why things have changed. Like what happened that caused your focus to shift from yourself to him? Is it because it's easier to focus on him than to start dealing with some of the other, more difficult things? He will probably be willing to go that route because it redirects the focus on you. And maybe there is even some truth to that? I know I start to worry about what my T thinks when I'm dealing with something difficult.

And it's interesting that you say your life is boring. So is mine! Mostly anyways. I stay at home a lot, clean house, use coping skills, go to doctors, and socialize with my dogs, fiance, mom, and step-dad. That's my life. Boring. Of course, I tend to have random drama that likes to pop up all at the same time (i.e. mom getting married, mouse in house, dog has cushings, etc.) Things that are not typical daily dramas.

But...your mind: thoughts, feelings, memories, etc...now you know that's not boring Especially for someone who works in the field of psychology. So maybe your T might also be trying to redirect the focus on you so he can get to know you better. And maybe he feels he's boring since he has to be more professional and keep most his thoughts and feelings to himself. Also, the SI is important to discuss...not boring.

I'm not trying to disregard your feelings. Just simply trying to offer up other perspectives. And as I write this, I'm reminding myself of similar different perspectives. But I do understand wanting to explore the relationship with your T. Mamy people find it beneficial. And it can be a great way to learn how to have other relationships.

Btw...your goals...that could definitely be applied to everyone. You probably had those goals when you first started therapy. You might want to discuss expanding on those goals and making smaller, more achievable goals.

I do suggest you go back and see your T. I don't know if things will get better, but I have found that I gain the most from the difficult times I have with my T (she now worries that I equate that good things only come with pain and suffering ). It tends to be true. We tend to grow the most when we struggle. So don't give up just yet. The option to quit seeing your T or therapy in general will always be there if you choose.