Thanks ScarletPimpernel! It's always interesting to hear about how you and your T manage things, since I feel like we share some traits . But, I think I'm feeling a little confused by the fact that... to me, asking about "expectations in therapy" isn't *really* a question about the relationship. It's not the same (I don't think?) as what you're saying, which is asking the T what they think about you, or asking for reassurance that the relationship is ok.

It's more like, I haven't had a successful therapy experience. I fundamentally am not getting therapy. And, maybe I'm getting some mixed messages, maybe that's why I'm feeling nervous? But stuff like the SI - I wrote about it, he told me to use a bucket of ice water instead - and that was it. There wasn't really any discussion of why it was happening, how often, or any feeling of openness... you know what I mean? There wasn't that feeling of, "hey, if you want to talk about this - I can handle it, and I will listen, even if you're not wanting to explicitly work on it." It was literally like, "OK, go do this instead." Maybe I'm misremembering, I was not really very grounded during that conversation... but as I said, I didn't know if he just assumes that if it happens, I'm going to come in and talk about it. Same thing for any other sort of bad indicators (I spent most of last weekend in bed, didn't mention that). I don't *get* how therapy is supposed to work, and that's not really personal to him, but since he's the therapist, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask "how does this work?" from time to time. So I can say, "OH! You DO want me to come in and report back on stuff like that, even if *today* I genuinely feel great?!"

I don't know, maybe I'm just way too overly analytical? Is this totally crazy?

"The way my T helps with that is by providing lots and lots of reassurance that our relationship is okay. If I know that everything is okay btwn us and nothing has changed, I worry less about her and focus more on myself."

This does make total sense to me... by the way. But, I'm not sure that I'm at the point where I'm worrying about the "relationship", because (right this second) I sort of feel like there is one. My T doesn't really seem real the other 167 hours of the week (or at least, a day or so after a session). Ugh, but I don't want to think about that, because then I feel really rotten, like that's an awful, hurtful thing to say.

"Like what happened that caused your focus to shift from yourself to him?"

But... do you think that's it, given what I wrote above? I don't feel like it's focused on him at all... I feel like I don't understand the rules of "therapy", and I'm trying to do the sane thing (ask for clarification) and getting told that the rule is, you shouldn't be asking questions like that. It feels really crazy!

"But...your mind: thoughts, feelings, memories, etc...now you know that's not boring "

Ha... well, thanks. I have no clue though. He wants me to talk more about day-to-day reality, but the truth is, day-to-day reality just doesn't have anything therapy-worthy in it. I work from home, rarely talk to anyone, and generally just go out for groceries. I try to fit in some exercise, get the dishes washed, and cook healthy food. I watch TV, play on the computer, and practice piano. And post here, of course. That's it. There's not a lot of opportunity for drama, which is good, but it's also just.... yup, boring.

And, I'm not trying to argue with you (I hope it doesn't come across that way!) but... if what I'm thinking is about, "omg, I don't get the expectations for therapy, I don't know if I should be talking about x, y, and z...." then I would think should be OK to come in and talk about?

(And in fairness, he did answer the question, he just prefaced it by telling me that he didn't think it was helpful to me, since it took me "further from reality").

He likes to use a cartoon of a parent telling their kid to eat their veggies, and saying something like, "you love vegetables!". Maybe that's what this is... I need to tell him that, even if he doesn't think it's helpful, *I* do - I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was helpful, and he's just confusing things more by trying to tell me to not believe it's helpful

Thanks, I didn't feel like you were disregarding my feelings at all... just more to think about. I appreciate it! And, my next session is Monday afternoon, so definitely too late to cancel if I wanted to.