I'm struck by the fact that you said: 'his goals for me are....' Is he the one who decides the goals, and it kind of seems to imply that you need to change? My T says the only goal is to understand, it does not feel that it is about me changing at all. She kind of has the attitude - if you are sad you are sad, yes life is hard and brings sadness, she has said 'if you feel like doing nothing all day then do nothing all day'. (I handle life by keeping really really busy).

My T is psychodynamic and we often talk about our relationship.

I don't feel that my T understands me particularly. I think it is partly because her beliefs about life feel so off the wall to me, and she looks at things so completely differently. I don't think her talent is understanding how a client sees things, and I have kind of asked her to shut up and listen to me lately. I really really love her way of looking at life though and her approach to therapy.