Hello, everyone. I'm L for now - I don't feel comfortable giving my first name at the moment. Paranoia issues, pretty much. I'll hopefully get over it eventually.

I'm 24, female, and somewhat diagnosed. After falling into a bad depression, I hauled myself into counseling again. Over the course of counseling, I grew erratic and in full on crisis mode. All of a sudden, I had all kinds of energy and had no idea what to do with myself, and this is when my counselor suggested I could have bipolar disorder. I've long known I had anxiety/depression issues, but this was a new term for me. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I was so miserable I just wanted something to give and agreed to visit a psychiatrist and undergo psychological testing. The psychiatrist seems very convinced it's bipolar. I was flying pretty high when I walked into her office that day. Extremely high for having been suicidal recently, but for some reason, rather than flee from mental help as I may have done in the past when I was feeling really good, this high was accompanied with a wickedly intense, impatient need to get to the bottom of my problems. I was prescribed a couple new meds immediately, and she nearly pulled me off Wellbutrin, but I contested that. I firmly believe Wellbutrin is the only psych drug that's ever done me any good, so I stayed on with it along with a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic now.

I haven't heard the official psychological eval yet, and I'm nervous about it. I've come to terms that it likely is bipolar, but I have this intense fear, they'll suddenly decide it's not, and tell me I'm 100% fine or something. I don't think I could deal with that at this point. It's really strange - I was so sure it couldn't be this at first, but now that I've accepted it, it fits so well and explains the hell I haven't been able to explain for years. I've been through so much mentally and I'm desperate for help, it would drink me off the brink to be told I'm fine. I probably have no reason to fear this, but I don't necessarily have appropriate fears.

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for support from people who understand what it's like! I don't have many friends at the moment. I alienated myself from everyone when I was last depressed.