I'm new here, and I can 100% relate to what you're describing and wish you all the best. It's really jarring to me how different I can be at times. The anxiousness and franticness is the worst possible state for me. Sometimes when severely depressed there's almost a reprieve from everything. Just total emotional numbness and lying in bed all day, but when the anxiety's high, I start to worry about the prospect of never being normal again and feel like everything in the world is wrong with me. I get so snappy with people because I'm on the verge of tears, and all noise is too loud. Refrigerator humming or fans drive me INSANE.

As per alcohol, I'm sober currently, but very much struggling with it on a daily basis. Allaying having to remind myself it's not worth it...