I'm not really hearing anything that your T is doing as "wrong" or incompetent. Could it be that you want him to spell out the rules of therapy as a way of you keeping control? If he sets the parameters, then you "know" how to engage. But that isn't a way to reveal your authentic self, and most Ts believe that's a fundamental goal and means of practice. Talking about the "boring" stuff tills the ground for the alliance to grow. It sounds like you are quite analytical and perhaps that's getting in the way of you engaging directly. The more the balance is shifted to the T to direct the process, the less emotional engagement there is. It's like having therapy about therapy before you've been an active participant in helping the T to know you. Or like having an interpreter in the room. I suspect he would be willing down the road to discuss the relationship more directly at the point it would serve your goals. But it sounds rather like putting the cart before the horse to me to engage much in that way at this point.

My experience is that whenever I felt not understood, it was because I was withholding in some way. It wasn't generally a pattern for me, so when it would crop up, it was very noticeable.