i sent him this:

> part of me longs for him. just wants to curl up safely in his arms and go to sleep. another part of me is so very afraid of him. that he'll put me somewhere to go do other things and then the danger will be bad 'cause i'll be sleeping instead of being vigilant. that if i let him in then when he extracts himself it will hurt too much. that i'll break apart.

he better not mention it or i'll DIE of embarrassment.