Hi everyone. I am married (3 years) with a one year old son. I have BPD and my poor husband has placated me on an almost saintly level. My husband is truly awesome and I'm so in love with him but.... I have childhood issues and now I'm a detatched unaffectionate adult. I'm not sure what this is called clinically, but I feel so much emotion and I am unable to show it. When I try to tell him how I feel about him, I get nervous, start shaking and get very uncomfortable. Same thing about giving him compliments, hugs, kisses, sex, and well, just every form of verbal and physical affection.

He's very affectionate, and is just starved for attention from me. He has to fish for compliments from me, and then I only give him the bare minimum. We had a "talk" about this, and I just acted as if I didn't have a care in the world. I can't even tell him how I feel about him!!! When he went to bed, I was in tears for 2 hours thinking he was going to leave me. I am so scared and I want to change. I have seen a myriad of shrinks and none have helped me. They only care about treating my depression which isn't working. I don't know what to do anymore.

I hope this problem doesn't sound stupid, it is beginning to ruin my marriage. Does anyone know what this disorder is called? Or how I can do some research on it? I am going to start trying to help myself. And I need to start now before it's too late. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this.