I don't quite fully understand that statement. When T said her "because I want too" statement, and I replied that I just don't get it. she then went onto say that when I was a baby, those couple of weeks between birth mother and adoptive mother, where I spent the time in the hosptial nursery, instead of feeling like I was the most important person in this world, like a newborn would feel naturally with a good mother/baby bond and those precious early times together, I didnt get that, and now part of my identity has become to feel, abandoned, not wanted, not good enought.

But can a baby have these feelings before able to think? Is that just what it would have felt like, accept one wouldn't realise it was the situation outside of me and not me, unyet not getting my needs met in those early days, its became internalised??? It became me??? I am not a baby abandoned by her birth mother, I am abandonable? not important? Is this what my brain has come to learn???

But if its become part of my "make up" how the hell does one change? can one change one's Identity???