Oh my. I can't believe I wrote that with those words.. I normally do not say things in that way, it sounds so crude. Thanks for your reply CANDC. I wish I could edit my post and that I never would have had those feelings in the first place. The feelings, me expressing them, are the reason he left. And because I am crazy and sent him so many messages. He has a very lucky wife and family. It is true about the hard wiring to find a mate. A person like me does not get a mate like him. It is just not possible. He is too good and I am crazy. I will always be crazy. And I will probably be alone for a very long time. Especially when I push everyone away and have no impulse control, little capacity for distress tolerance and emotional regulation, and am just getting older all the time.