I see how it is then, with one or the other of you possibly or probably leaving. That is so sad, ak, and I think I would have a very hard time allowing him in, trust, comfort, with that reality hanging over my head. However, I am in a similar situation and I think I will be the one to leave because I am sorry I moved here. That is on my mind nearly constantly. One minute I have to get out of here and the next I say, no.. because T is here I should stay. I don't know how it will play out, but I am going to try to take the risks I need to take to move forward, regardless. And I will continue if/when I move from here.

My mother is dead and still her voice lives on in my head. I am middle aged and lived for so many years with her ideas and opinions and likes and dislikes as my own that I have a hard time even deciding what I like or want sometimes. I spent most of my life avoiding her, ducking from verbal and physical blows, wanting to be heard and seen. I wondered what she saw when she looked at me. Somthing very ugly, distasteful, unacceptable. She was nice to other kids though. I could never figure it out. How to be. What did she want from me?!

Do you feel like you've found who you are? I do not and it is part of my struggle.

Now I understand your situation with your T. Thanks for explaining it for me. Maybe you have before and I missed it.

Perhaps he said what he said to help the two of you decide how you can proceed with that inevitable parting in mind? I think you and he could spend some more time talking about it. What do you think?