These feelings are normal, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.
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A person like me does not get a mate like him. It is just not possible. He is too good and I am crazy. I will always be crazy. And I will probably be alone for a very long time. Especially when I push everyone away and have no impulse control, little capacity for distress tolerance and emotional regulation, and am just getting older all the time.
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First, your therapist is not god. He is a man, with his qualities and his flaws, just as you have your qualities and your flaws.
Second, even 80-year-old people can find their soul mate. So, contrary to what societal standards (enforced by the media) tell you
ad nauseam, you will find your soul mate when it's the right moment to be with a partner.
Third, you need first to gain coping skills for emotional regulation and distress tolerance to become more solid before finding the right person.
Your ex-T is not better than you and you are not worse than him. Like you, he also has his own fair share of struggles, be because of his health, be because of money, be because of his family....
You will be lucky to find your right partner too when it is the right moment for you.