i am calmer. Life is still s big mess, but i am calmer and more numb today. Numb is good in the short term. i need calm and numb. i don't have the skills to process this myself.

don't have weekend access to pdoc

i took one more K... then later a halcion and i eventually passed out i guess.

the help line.. i didn't talk to them long. i was too afraid they'd send someone to pick me up. i was afraid they would find out who i was or someone else would find out i was talking to them. it made me panic more so i just got off the phone and took the halcion.

thnx for listening... i should be ok today