Hi sweetheart,

I could relate to a lot of what you wrote.. Maybe your insecurity is in fact fear of getting hurt? Perhaps a lack of trust in other people and an expectation/fear that they'll say or do something hurtful? No matter how OK you are with yourself, it still hurts (would hurt anyone, I'm guessing) if someone teases or bullies you..

Or, maybe you're basing your view of yourself on what other people value? Do YOU value being good-looking, smart, doing well in life, travelling loads and having lots of friends? I've found that as long as I'm looking at what others value, I'm trying to live up to THEIR expectations of what I should be/do and feeling like cr* if I fall short..

In secondary/upper secondary school, I, too, was considered a good writer and brilliant at English (not my native language either). I felt that everyone was expecting me to go on to achieve great things.. When I started to study English in university, I quickly discovered I was actually among the weakest students in my year.. I got incredibly depressed by that. I've since been through the wringer - dropped out after my second year, got a job and started therapy. I've come 'face to face' with what I always felt to be true, deep down - that no amount of achievements or success would correct my low self-esteem in the slightest - because it was never about anything I was lacking in that department in the first place.

What I needed was to be accepted for who I am - weak, sad, hurt, angry, tired - as well as happy, talented, creative, 'brilliant' etc. I was traumatised in early childhood by parents who weren't able to accept/love me in my weakest moments, so I'd carried that insecurity with me my whole life and desperately tried to earn the love by doing well and being best at something/everything.. Doesn't work.

What do you feel would be the worst thing that could happen with this essay? What's the worst thing your teacher could say/do? Why would it be the worst thing imaginable?