Thank you all for the replies so much. My next appointment with the pdoc isn't until the end February, but I might go ahead and call their office tomorrow because I think it definitely might be happening again. As of last night, sleep is not happening as much, and I can't shut my mind up at all. It's not like full force yet, and even when it becomes that, I can usually ride it out and it'll pass eventually, so I'm just reminding myself of that.

Since seeking out help and being one hundred percent honest about my experiences, it's been a little strange in a good way and a bad way. The second bipolar popped up, I was like no freaking way at first, but still complied with all the testing and stuff they wanted me to do. It does make sense, I'll admit. I'm sick of the pattern. I tell myself every bad period is just a phase and I'll make all the changes to get my life back on track and tell myself it's never EVER going to happen again, and then, bam it does.

I'll definitely be safe, though. I have the hotline numbers my counselor gave me on hand in case I need them, but I think I will be able to get through it.

I'm going to attempt to sleep here very, very soon. The sooner I can sleep, the sooner it might get better, but sleeping is easier said than done I'm afraid.

thank you all once again!