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Every since i had intrusive thought my life has kinda been rough because it makes me feel like its something wrong with me.
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There is nothing wrong with these thoughts.
Please don't blame yourself for thinking them. They do not mean you're a bad person, or going insane, or that you will turn into a psychopath or a killer. A lot of us have them, and a lot of us have been living with them for years. I used to have an irrational fear of knives and asked my husband to hide all of them before we went to sleep each night. It's been four years and the thoughts come and go - but I've never stabbed anyone.
If you'll allow me to quote myself from another thread,
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I discussed this extensively with my therapist, and she assured me that these thoughts, while distressing, are not a sign that I'm going insane or at risk of becoming a serial killer (which I feared). She told me that, the more I try to reject them and "stop thinking" them, the more anxiety they cause because the mind tends to return to them regardless. She advised me to accept these thoughts as they come and detach myself from them.
Don't blame yourself for thinking these thoughts, and remember that even though they're distressing, the simple fact that they are distressing is a sure sign you're not at risk of carrying them out or becoming a psychopath. Psychopaths feel no empathy. They don't feel that their thoughts are wrong.
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I really hope this helps. Stay strong!