I am not a horrible person. I really think you have me wrong here Rose76.

If this has been done before then why can't I find help? Why are there no other mums posting about this? Maybe you are trying to demonise me because of something that happened in your past. Please stop making me out to be some kind of horrible, child hating mother who is making a big deal out of favouring one child. I WISH it was that simple.


Ok, so for those who were telling me to see a therapist, I used the link that Bill3 gave me earlier and I have sent an email off to the one and only therapist on the list in my area. Since today is a public holiday (Its Australia Day) I will have to wait till tomorrow to see if she is going to be able to help me.

Anyway, for everyone who told me I should just try harder, I am doing that too. I really do want to change and although I am feeling like a few of you only posted to have a go at me, I am taking all your advice on board.

I was in the pool with the kids today and I tried to talk to my eldest daughter a little more. I started a game, and although I could tell she thought it was weird, she eventually tried to join in. Neither of us knows how to navigate this relationship properly. I know that's all about me too, its not her fault. If I had taught her how to from the start I wouldn't be where I am now..

Tonight, while I was brushing her hair, we started talking about school and friends. She said she's excited to meet her new teacher (our kids are returning to school tomorrow after the Christmas holiday period) and she said that she wanted her dad to take her to school tomorrow.

Because I am trying to make the effort here, should I say that I wanted to take her in and get him to take our other daughter? or do I leave it and let her have what she wants? In previous years he has always taken her in because their school books and school supplies are quite heavy and he has always carried it in for her.