Thinking I might take my prn today and see if that helps. I'm still all over, but now I'm at work. This is going be fun. I'm irritable just like yesterday. I wanted to hit my spouse for everything yesterday. I don't like this. I'm worried this is going to lead to bad things at work again. I can't afford that. Not with cancer and me being the only one working. I'm tired this morning didn't sleep well. Wound up on the couch. I hate when my brain won't stop at night and I lay there for an hour trying to fall asleep because I know I need it. It doesn't help that I started my period Saturday. Maybe that's all this is. We'll see how long lasts I guess. See Pdoc on Thursday morning. My eyes are heavy but the rest of me is awake now. Wtf is this. I don't want to be at work. It's going to be a long day because I can't focus. Its the end of our fiscal year at work and they want everything done by Wednesday so this is going to be a long week to. I'm cold thank you winter. I need to live somewhere that has spring/fall like temps all year. I'm fed up with church and all things Christian again. Thank you mother-in-law. I don't want to talk about anything to my spouse or her family again. I don't feel welcome there anymore. So if I have go I just won't talk unless spoken directly to and then it'll be simple answers. I'm beginning to feel like I'm vibrating in my skin. I don't want this to be happening again. I am not having/heading into a manic episode. I am not bipolar. Rinse repeat. I'm not bipolar I hold jobs too long. I've been at my current job for 5years. I've had 4 different jobs for this employer not counting the different aspects of some off them that are like different jobs themselves. I'm everywhere and no where. This sounds familiar but like a dream. I'm volatile. This blackness is welling up inside me and I can't let it out. It scares me what will happen when I can't contain it. Hopefully my prn will just kick my butt down a few notches. Whiskey would help, but I'm at work so not going to happen. Maybe after. I haven't drank in months. Why does it sound so good? Why does my brain do this to me? Race Race little hamster. Even though you aren't going anywhere keep running.