Hi Lexi,

I don't envy you that experience at all. Sometimes being in some situation, although it is not with the same person, can remind your mind and/or body of being in a situation in the past that had some similar features and was traumatic for you. You are not the only one that this has happened to. Whether or not you can even remember what it is reminding you of, the feelings can be overpowering.

I don't know if discussing what you felt with your dad would be a possibility for you or not. If you could, then he could reassure you that it was part of playing and he would never attack you, would know to avoid getting you into another situation like that again, and talking about it might help you to feel better. But I understand if that is too hard.

If you are still in therapy, this is an important thing to bring up, as there are powerful feelings that have been stirred up, and working through those feelings and resolving them would be beneficial to you. Even if you aren't in therapy currently, it might be worth it to make an appointment so that you can get some help with this.

There is an explanation for those feelings that is perfectly understandable. You didn't do anything wrong. We just feel - there isn't any way to change that - but you can work on understanding where that feeling is coming from and recognizing that you are not in danger now, and even though you couldn't control what may have happened to you in the past, you can control the future, and you can be safe.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} if you want them,
Rapunzel

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>