You have to, at a minimum, be in the mood for sex to feel good or else it can be rather boring if not horrible. You have to be turned on for your vag to be an accommodating environment for your man, it relaxes and lubricates, otherwise it is clinched and dry. Penetration feels like being fingered by a big finger, LOL, but the guys **** has to be rock hard or it won't feel as good. You should practice by masturbating since this is how most of us women accomplish the big O during intercourse, by "rubbing one out" touching your clitoris to achieve orgasm. It takes practice to get skilled at this, but it feels 100 times better to do this during sex than on your own. Some women get so good at this they can "grind one out" hands free by rubbing their clitoris on their partner during intercourse. When you masturbate think of sexual fantasies or watch porn that excites you, and then when you are having sex, if you don't feel extremely aroused by your partner in the moment, force yourself to think back on your fantasies to get in the mood.

Sorry you were sexually abused. I'm not a therapist, but I would bet that's causing a lot if not all of your problem. To have a horrifying experience linked around sex, which is kind of a fragile and emotionally dependent thing for both men and women, cant be easy. You and your partner should slow down going into it to. Spend a lot of time cuddling and building up to penetration, this will help calm you down and get you in the mood. When he goes down on you have him finger you at the same time, that's really the ultimate way that is done. LOL.