thank you for the advice. another thing is my thinking is so distorted, I don't even know if I'm manic right now or depressed. Just extremely confused and in a fog. I have my first meeting with a counselor today but I feel so overwhelmed and confused, I'm not sure what to even say. I feel like I'm going to cry the second I walk in her office and try to explain what I'm feeling. my thoughts are so insanely overwhelming, torturous to a degree. I wish I could shut my mind off for a bit