Hi, my name is Jessica. I'm 19 years old, and was diagnosed with bipolar in December. However, my therapist believes it's borderline personality disorder after answering questions for like two hours. I see the doctor on February 9th for more answers.
I read up on borderline personality disorder and it makes a lot of sense.
I tend to believe that my boyfriend is up to no good. I'm terrified that he is going to leave me. I get so upset when I see pretty girls because I'm like "Oh my boyfriend would much rather her than me". I get so upset for no reason. The other day, I kept crying because he wouldn't go to sleep with me because he wasn't tired and he kept going to a different room. My cousin was over as well and I kept thinking he was going to do something to her.
When I look back on it I realize that I was being weird. However, I cannot control my thoughts.
Just a few minutes ago, this girl that works with my boyfriend was asking if there was an apartment opened in my apartment complex. Thank God there isn't because that would definitely make me think he's cheating. I hate her just because she works with him. It's ridiculous because I know he wouldn't do anything.
I really wish I could stop being so paranoid. Also, I believe my fear of abandonment is from my parents passing away. My mom passed away when I was 9 and my dad when I was 17. My boyfriend is the only person I have, and I feel like I'm always trying to protect him from leaving me. We've been together for 2.5 years.

I take Zyprexa, Trazodone, and Trileptal.
I stopped my meds for almost a month because they couldn't refill it until I saw the doctor. I'm finally back on my medicine since Friday.
I wasn't on it long enough to notice a difference.

I just want all these thoughts to go away. The paranoia and suicidal intentions.
I want to be 'normal'.