i'm not sure. i haven't been able to do anything for years and was ready to admit defeat and just live out life on my own, in this state, for as long as it lasted. in hiding and apathetic.

a family member gave me a brochure for a partial hospitalization program sometime back and i finally qualify this year with my new insurance. i decided on a whim to contact the facility today. i am not hopeful. i don't feel much of anything. but i am surprised at myself for taking some initiative when it truly feels like i don't care. maybe i do care on some deeper level or convinced myself i don't care because it's easier that way. i hope they get back to me. i emailed them because calling seemed overwhelming. we'll see what happens.