<font color="#000088"> I'm going to see my Dad's grave today for the first time since his funeral.I hope it's not gonna trigger me into crying to much again.At his funeral,they had to play one of my songs off my CD,because I couldn't stop crying to sing.I've never even seen the headstone,but I heard my name is on it.I wouldn't be surprized if I laid down next to it and curled up in a ball.I miss him so much.I'm going to take a photo of his headstone,for the rest of my memories stuff,like his obituary and stuff.I even still have the mask I wore at the hospital the last time I saw him alive.I was sick,and hadn't been to the Dr. yet,so just for safety,I wore it.Then when I found out it was pneumonia,I couldn't go back to the hospital,and he died before I got better!I only was able to talk to him over the phone!He had pneumonia when he died,and I kept blaming myself,but they said it wasn't from me,it was the fluid retention that caused it!I just can't let go of that mask for some reason!
But health wise,I'm to the point now where I can't even hold down fluids,unless I sip them.No food,not even my ice cream,usually I was able to hold down the ice cream,and it helped with my fevers.But now I can't hold anything down.I passed out again last night in the middle of the night when I got up to go to the bathroom.But this time I didn't lose concousness,I woke up when I hit the floor.So I just made my way to the bathroom,and crawled back in bed. </font>