Must be.

The meds aren't working anymore I think. How quick to fail.Maybe more like my mind breaking through the shroud. They haven't quickly fallen apart but it helps me realize that perhaps that voice in my head isn't just me. Maybe it's something else. Or it's just incredibly negative thoughts that occur to let me know HOW **** I AM. It drags me into a corner and beats into me its words. Useless. weak, hideous. That's me.

I shouldn't rely on meds to be happy. They hurt me. They want me to be blind.

How foolish! Of course. I always knew that the meds would betray me. I can't do anything until March.

That's over a month away. How far. My classes are up in the air.I don't know. I apply to the few places here and they won't take me. My resumes and applications are a joke. It is simply an "alpha male" surrounded by females. That's what I see everywhere. I can't be hired, I'm not an alpha male?

Horrible existence.

I want to burn it to the ground. Blow up the **************? They all deserve it. I hate them I hate them I HATE THEM.

Hate this.