I don't know if I should ask. I won't listen anyway. There is no point. I should try to listen to my lessons in my waking life more. I am just asleep (for once now, don't ask.) I don't know why I should ask if not because I just feel like something to fill in a gap in the timeline. Why do I exist? I have no purpose and no one loves me. Don't tell me my blood loves me. They love me because of family reasons or of some narcissism. If they didn't love me it would be a form of self hatred/ saying they are impefect.

I have no good traits and I can't hold a job because I have too many bad traits. I can't even get a job. I feel a jealous hatred of the normal people. I hatred of my family members. I hate them. I hate everyone else. I feel hard to control. Why am I me I ask myself. I am an outcast to everyone. I am no one special. I have no special gift. I try to fill in the blanks to no avail. I hate them. I hope they die. I feel a sense of melancholy. I must be a masochist because I sort of enjoy the depression. The melancholy. I get pleasure from my self imposed melancholy. I can't really live this way. I'd like to be in a coma.

"A terrible thing to say!" Only your arrogance leads you to say such things.Humans are very simple and seek to feel superior. My brain knows better. Can't trust others. "You must be feeling bad." Perhaps I enjoy the depression. A masochism or a gateway to the truth.