I think that what gets people's backs up against the wall about this thread is not that you are unable to bond or connect with your eldest, but that you can with your youngest.


In other words, the ability is there, its just being rationed.

I agree that you need to have regular one on one activities with her, it will help her realize that she matters too.


Just to be clear, I had issues with my daughter too, although not the bonding or touching type. I had/have no nurturing instinct. I'm not the caretaker type at all, add a complete lack of domesticity, and it was a rough first few years.


I love my daughter to bits, but I don't enjoy taking care of anyone, not even myself. I do it, but I have to hide the fact that I dislike it.

I'm not sure why I am this way, but it probably stems from the fact that I never learned how to take care of myself growing up. I was never taught responsibility, never encouraged to do anything domestic, and then suddenly at age 19 I was pregnant and had to learn how to take care of a helpless someone else.

Lucky for me I didn't have to do the caretaking thing 24/7, my mom helped out alot when she was a baby as I was a single mother working.


I knew this aversion of mine would be detrimental to her though, so when she was two, and more of an individual human being as opposed to a needy baby, I made a point to discover what she liked and joined in on those activities. Yes that meant a three year old actually taught me how to "play dolls" because I was a tomboy as a child, and it was awkward and reallllly boring, but it was worth it, thank God. Because now at age 11, we actually have so much in common, we have long talks and walks and are very connected to each other.


I doubt that our relationship would have turned out so well if I didn't make the effort to find alternate ways of expressing love while she was younger.


Ps. Hugs aren't the issue, I gave my daughter lots of hugs and she still knew I sucked at mothering, on the contrary, my mother is not a hugger touchy feely type, yet she's an awesome mother. Took care of my every need, and still mothers me even though I'm 30.