Hello, sounds like you are beating yourself up for being depressed. Depression makes us hate ourselves and often the rest of the world too. You are sensitive and questioning what is going on around you. I'm sorry you feel so unloved. Depression can drag us down to the very bottom and we can wallow in the sadness and it kind of feels safe that way. Is there anything in your life that you think you could change? Often the smallest positive change can help towards feeling better.