Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry to hear you are having some unsettled times in your relationship.

The issues you bring up about being ready with your girlfriend could be due to trauma from the past. A therapist often can help unravel the past and the secrets it may be hiding.

One way I heard of that can help reduce anticipation stress and pressure to perform is to get an agreement that you are NOT going to have sex but are going to be with each other trying varying degrees of intimacy to find out how close you can be without the pressure of performing.

If the bed is a trigger, find another comfortable place to be together. On the sofa or the rug, with a heater or fireplace to add warmth. Put on some gentle music that is calming. In your mind, imagine you are discovering someone you never met before.

With clothes or a bathrobe on, just hold hands and begin to explore the outer reaches of the body staying away from explicitly sexual parts. Just explore being together. Feel the breath of yourself and as you touch their body feel their breath going in and out.

If this is going well, try embracing and touching each other's faces and finding non-sexual sensitive areas maybe overlooked before. If there is arousal note it, but just tell yourself it does not mean you have to do anything.

These phases can last 15 minutes or an hour so it is wise to allow an afternoon or evening without disturbance. After a while try to find out how the other is doing. Are they enjoying this? Stop if interest isn't there.

Discovering closeness may feel joyful so smile at each other. Look in each other's eyes. See each other with fresh eyes.

Erogenous touching can be next if you both are still engaged with each other.

If you decide to couple, some people find less pressure by facing each other and laying on your sides. This can be got into easily by a normal top bottom position and roll to the side.

Stop if over excited until more relaxed then begin again. Short thrusts are less likely to lead to early endings.

But if this experiment does not offer some signs of progress, then the therapist can also help find the blocks that stand in the way.