I'm 25 years old and I've never had a girlfriend or been emotionally close to a girl. It's not like I haven't had any chances. Alltogether there were about 3 girls interested in me (without me initiating it). I haven't used any of these chances. There was always some excuse ... she lives too far, I am not attracted to her, she doesn't know the real me and she will eventually dump me etc.

For the last couple of months I've had the opportunity to be around a nice, fun and smart girl. Over time I've gotten comfortable and confident around her. I've also managed to get emotionally closer to a girl than ever. She is my coworker, she's a nice girl and everyone likes her, but she is a puzzle.

First it started with her making jokes while going for eye contact, jokingly teasing me, attracting my attention which she liked, this went on for a week or two. Then suddenly she went cold. After that back to normal with sending me mixed signals. Now she acts towards me in a strange way. Sometimes standing too close to me, but being nervous when I walk near her in a narrow space. There are a bunch of other signals. On top of everything she has a boyfriend. I've stopped trying to get what this all means. So I am NOT ASKING YOU WHAT HER BEHAVIOUR MEANS.

If I think that she likes me then I feel that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE AND I FEEL LIKE I AM ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I make jokes, I am happy, optimistic, I talk more and I feel more like sharing stuff about me.

If I think she doesn't like me (and just enjoys the tension that there is between us just to make work interesting) then EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS. I am bummed out sad. I am not talkative and just pretend I am smiling. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up because I am just going to be hurt, but if I don't I just feel HORRIBLE. I feel like life is not worth fighting for anymore. I feel like AvPD is too difficult to handle. I am so disturbed that I cannot do my work or enjoy the stuff I do when I am alone.

These "mood swings" happen when I am not around her and when I have the time to think things over.

The worst part is that I spend literaly 8 hours a day from Monday-Friday in an office with her (there are four of us there). So I am reminded of this EVERY DAY. Being alone after work just gives me time to think and makes things worse.

Edit: I feel stupid and pathetic because of this.