Hi everyone,

I am new here and just looking for a bit of support. I am not sure if this is the correct thread...but am pretty confident that it is.
I have not been diagnosed with OCD but am 110% confident that this is what I suffer from. I have suffered from ROCD, Harm O, SchizoOCD, False Memory OCD...and just...general urges...now I am going through a panic attack where my head is trying to tell me that I'd be better off dead and that frightens me to no end because I don't want to die or off myself...so I guess suicide OCD? Which I have suffered from before but....it usually only lasts a few days.
I feel sick to my stomach....I recently lost my job....and have all this time to myself...I still am actively seeking work....but I hate being alone with these thoughts...my anxiety and stress is through the roof and I self-medicate with alcohol. I know that doesn't help the OCD or stress in the long term...but it does for those few moments...I don't know why I am so freaked out right now. I just feel like I need to crawl out of my skin.
I have been suffering with this since 2010....that period of time was pretty bad....but I was able to get through it...and now all of a sudden it seems like it's coming full circle...and worse.
I am constantly obsessing about my past or what I did as a kid...and feel so guilty...and then I obsess about the future...and how afraid of it I am.
I can't stay in the moment....I want to cry...disappear...I dunno. I just want to get through this and be happy again.

I really just needed to vent. I am seeing a counsellor....and will be seeing a psych....
Just today is not good. And just needed a bit of support.
Thank you for listening/reading.

Briseus