Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccer mom
Ironically, my T. doesn't want me to label my feelings, put them in a box and put them away. That's what I'm good at and I'm finding it harder to do so.
My mom died in May and she was emotionally distant. I didn't realize all the needs that were never met until intense maternal transference popped up with this T. I've seen her for 5 years off and on and never felt this way about her until my mom died. I usually don't attach to anyone and keep people at a distance because they may hurt me. So, I guess my inner child is completely attached and my adult self is warning me that she could hurt me. Or vice versa.
I've noticed if I don't feel connected (lots of eye contact) or we talk about my mom, the next week is really hard. I told my T. before I left that I didn't feel good about leaving and admitted about the connection. I hate that it matters, I hate that I want it, I hate that I'm attached.
But, it won't do any good to push her away - that's the old way of dealing with it. But it sure does feel better. dang it, I don't know. I just can't work knowing I could burst into tears at any moment. I'm so tired of feeling this way.
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You know though, I think there's a fine line between not wanting to put away feelings and pushing your T away, and ruminating. It sounds like you have some good things going for you in your life, and your feelings towards T are getting in the way of being in the moment and living life. I don't mean this in a judgmental way, but how many months or years are you willing to suffer to get 'better'? A year down the tubes ruminating with T1 was a wake-up call to make a change.
I'm not recommending switching T's or running away, every person needs to evaluate and make that decision for themselves. However, making the effort to not focus excessively on what's missing in your life and what you never had - and being in the moment - seems more healing IMO. And it's not all or nothing... you can set aside time to grieve, then tell yourself enough and work on refocusing and being in the moment. For me, it's really hard because those unmet needs are screaming. But we're adults, and have to move past it somehow, while giving ourselves time to feel but still be functional.
Hope this helps
