</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mouse_ said:
But can a baby have these feelings before able to think?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I don't think it's about feelings and thinking, it's about "identity." You know the studies of people raised in the wild, by wolves, etc.? They don't learn to speak because they weren't around human speech at the "right" time? That's what happens to us. There's windows of opportunities for certain development/identity steps, built into being human/one's DNA/genes/attributes and if one doesn't get what is needed to develop with that "attribute" during that window, it's like any other development problem; being hard of hearing or eyesight, having some other mental retardation or similar problem.

Can you go back and become an unmarried, single woman with a career now? No, not just because of lack of opportunity but because you've already had the experience of having married and/or had children. The window to not have children has closed for you.

But, as you see in the above scenario, there's nothing "wrong" with having chosen/had a different route and that's what has happened with your identity. There's no place in my identity for being a mother because I'm through menopause and didn't have children. I can understand the "concept" of motherhood having had a mother and looking at other mothers around me, etc. You will be able to understand the concept of "T-as-an-individual-not-Me" and even "accept" it/what you know and be comfortable with yourself for wishing/feeling T should be part of you, that whole "package" being part of who you "are"/your identity (much like you identify now with having been an adopted child). The "package" will become less stressful/a main focus over the years, you'll be able to move to other larger packages in your identity that you choose to "see" as yourself more often, etc. but you won't be able to "fix" or change what happened (having been abandoned by birth mother) and how that has changed your identity. Remember, it's not a "bad" thing! Think of a tree growing and how many branches it developes; at first it's just one single "stick" but then branches go one way or another; if it's in a windy environment the main trunk may "bend" in the direction the wind blows or if it's got too much/too little sun or water it may be smaller or sickly but that doesn't alter its "treeness" and who it is, "Harold," the tree :-) It just makes it more "interesting," more "itself". There's no such thing as a perfect tree, just like there isn't a perfect human.

I love Carly Simon's lyrics from "Didn't I":

Sorry that your mother dropped you on your head
Maybe her mother dropped her too
In the end we all get dropped
We all get black and blue