Thanks for the hugs & comments. I've felt so alone today. My T just called and spoke to me for half an hour. He gave me three options. 1) Go to the hospital if I'm feeling suicidal.
2) Come see him every other week (all he can do) and he will come in an hour early to see me if his schedule is full. If he does that he wants to see proof that I am willing to help myself get better so I have to start going to na or aa for the pot.
3) Find another therapist that can see me more often.

I have until next Thursday to decide. Of course I've just spent $170 on an O, I have a friend that is giving me some soon for a late bday gift, & I was working on getting some from SF in the mail. I'll be able to stop the last two.

So of course I'm choosing option 2 but I think I am going to struggle with quitting. I just can't seem to deal with this depression on my own but if he is there to help me through it...