I must be in denial or something, because I can be feeling horrible and I'll begin to think irrationally or fantasize bad things but then I'll quickly "forget" about it. When I snap myself out of these emotional ruts I immediately lose all emotional attachment to it. I then have a really hard time believing I really did feel that way in that moment and that I must of made it up or was over-exaggerating the situation. A lot of the time I feel a lot of guilt because I'm often convinced that I'm making myself feel a certain way on purpose...? But then l will honestly believe nothing was/is wrong until I fall into another emotional rut again. But the cycle continues. Unless I learn how to stop repressing my emotions to the point where I don't even believe they exist, I'll never be able to get help (IF I even need it ???).