I would seek some counseling to help you and support you. If you can't or don't do that, there are other ways to find resources. Here is one thing that helps label things. It is called the Power and Control Wheel, which is standard to give to people with issues in their relationships. There is also a complementary one that shows the opposite, the Freedom and Equality Wheel. I don't know if this will help, but here's a link:

http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/powerandcontrol.pdf