Hi. This is my first time on a forum. I decided to sign up because i deal with MANY of the issues discussed. I apologize for the lengthy post, but i wanted to share my story to help others who deal with Trichotemnomania. Reading others' stories have helped me not to feel so wierd and alone so i hope my story will do the same.
This is my second bout of Trichotemnomania I've had. The first time this disorder took hold of me was back in my early twenties. My first episode only lasted a year. I had beautiful long hair, but decided i wanted to try semi short hair. I got my hair cut by a professional, but when i got home i noticed it was uneven so i tried to fix it myself. I attempted to fix it several times over the next few months until my hair was ridiculously short and dorky looking. I finally became so frustrated with it i decided to take 1" clippers to it so it would be completely even and i wore a wig until it was finally a few inches long. Then i was able to grow my beautiful hair back!
But then about five years ago (seven years later) it happened again. Only this time it was much worse and had brought me to tears MANY times. Once again i wanted a shorter hair style and got it professionally cut. But again, when i got home i discovered it was very uneven. One side was more than an inch longer than the other! I know this because i measured my hair with a ruler to make sure it wasn't my imagination. From that point on my Trichotemnomania took control. I would spend hours in front of my three way mirror trying to get my hair perfect. There were times instead of sleeping, i would spend the entire night cutting my hair. Other times, i had plans to go out, but would end up missing my plans because I'd lose track of the time while i was trying to 'fix' my hair. My legs and feet would become store and swollen from standing for so long. My sink was always clogged from my hair. I developed a habit of pulling the back of my hair between my fingers to feel how uneven it was. My arms, fingers, and the back of my scalp would become store from the constant pulling/ checking for eveness. I never pulled my hair out because i was just always checking. There were also many times i would plead with myself in the mirror to stop cutting and telling myself i was absurd because no one else was going to notice my hair was uneven. But I'd still keep cutting! That was when i finally realized i had a REAL problem. I knew my actions weren't normal, so i decided to Google 'hair cutting obsession' and discovered there was an actual name for it! I felt so relieved to find i wasn't the only oddball dealing with this strange obsession! I made that discovery a couple years ago. Since then I've continued to struggle with the impulsive behavior. I got rid of all scissors, but i ended up using nail clippers, razors, buzz clippers, miniature sewing kit scissors, or anything i could find that would cut. I sometimes would even cut a little while i was at a traffic stoplight with nail clippers that were in my purse.Then i tried wearing hair wraps and a clip on ponytail and wigs so i wouldn't see my hair. My hair would finally start getting some length, so i would stop wearing the 'accessories' but then the impulse would take over again. I always felt so embarrassed of my hair and finally just told people straight up that it was an OCD i was struggling with. I felt being labeled with an OCD was better than being labeled as someone who was vain and constantly changing my 'hair' (like with wigs, ponytails, hair wraps, etc)
And so finally, about 8 months ago, i buzzed all my hair off again because i realized it was the only way i could get my hair even. I'm happy to say I've managed to not cut my hair (well, except for the hair on my neckline) since then. That's not too say i still don't struggle with the impulse. I still very much struggle, but each time I've been able to remind myself that my hair HAS to be even because i buzzed it and its just my imagination. I also tell myself that if i even cut it once it will take longer for my hair to grow. Itisnow almost long enough for a ponytail! Woohoo! I haven't had it this long in nearly six years! I still pull on the back of my hair to feel how even it is, but at least i don't follow through with cutting it. I know Once my hair is long enough, i won't have to deal with this obsession anymore. I've learned my lesson: even though short hair looks cute on me, it's not worth the dreadful obsession that comes with it.