My T. told me a few sessions ago that she thinks I would not do well if I quit.

I think I may have figured out why I was so upset. Overall, I feel like she really doesn't understand how much pain I've been in. I can't cry in sessions and am very guarded so she doesn't see it and I experience most of my episodes outside of her office. She has mentioned before that she has clients in worse shape who need more attention due to suicide/depression/alcohol/drug type issues. I don't want her to compare them to me.

I think the closer I get to her, the more I realize what I wanted as a child, what my mom never gave me and what she can't give me. So, I crave the closeness and want it but then it's so damn painful because I realize it's limitations. And, I think why go through this? Why keep subjecting myself to the pain? What is getting close to her supposed to give me/teach me?