But, I feel like I owe her for everything - because she gave unprofessional good stuff, I need to accept the unprofessional bad stuff. Rough with the smooth?

My overwhelming sense is that EVERYTHING is too personal. But that's how relationships are in the real world, right? So her viewpoint is valid? If I hurt her, and she gets her claws out, well that's what happens in real life?

She did say she's approaching her limits, because she doesn't take abuse off anyone. She said she was saying it not as a threat but that nobody should have to take it.