My mother suffered a lifetime battle with depression, and I'm glad she's no longer suffering... But the last two years of her life were the happiest I'd ever seen her. It seemed like everything was finally starting to go right for her. And then she was gone. I had so many plans with her, we all did... When she was little, my grandmother went to Disneyland without her. I thought that was terribly selfish, so I was going to make it right. She was saving her vacation up for summer to go with me and my daughter. Now, we're spending her vacation pay on rent. It just feels wrong. I don't think I have the will to go on without her... I understand what she did that night completely. I wish I could go with her, but all these people she left behind need me. She will never be able to see me get married someday, she doesn't get to see her new grandbaby, she won't get to see my sister or brother get married, she won't get to see his kids, she won't get to see all his cool navy achievements... She won't get to see me or my sister graduate college... These are the things she lived for. All I can think is how hollow it all feels without her. She was the center of everything, and she was all we had. My brother lost his father in 99 to a cold. A COLD. On Halloween. My father was a heroin addict who beat her and is presumed dead, I haven't seen him in 30 years, he's made no effort to see me. My sister's father is unfit to be a father and my sister is preparing to take the child living with him in with her. Our grandmother is in a home with advanced dementia, our grandfather is a child molester - needless to say, he's not around... There is no one left.