I feel like if I disagree with her opinions, thoughts, everything now - if I disagree with her definition of abuse - then that invalidates all the validation she previously gave me. All the validating of all the hurt my family situation inadvertantly caused me, which yes, we agreed included emotional abuse.

Except if I don't agree now, then it feels that wasn't true. And if I do agree with her, it's still not true because if I agree then I am the abusive one. I literally can't win, either I am an abusive person, or I was making it up and she was colluding. Unless there's some middle ground, but I can't seem to find it.

I am not usually so borderline in terms of seeing things in black and white - normally I am pretty accepting of the faults and failing in everyone, without it making them a 'bad' person, except when it comes to myself, where I tip very easily into feeling like a bad person.

At the moment though if feels like me and my ex T are on a see saw and we keep changing positions every couple of seconds where one is pretty bad and one is pretty good. Emotionally I am so disorientated.