I can relate to that.....my father died 15 years before my mother & my mother died 10 years ago of cancer. My daughter lives 1000 miles away from me & I finally left my H after 33 years of a bad marriage & I moved 2100 miles away to a place where I didn't know anyone. I started my life completely over & now I am surrounded by the most wonderful people & my church & friends are my new family who are better & less dysfunctional than any family I have ever had for my whole life. I made that move 7 years ago & it was the best thing I ever did in my whole life.

It may not feel like any new door is opened because of all the grief you are feeling but you don't know what the future REALLY holds that you can't even anticipate at this point.

I had so much PTSD issues because of the home care person that it took me over a year to get back into my Mom's house, the house I grew up in....but was finally able to clear it out & sell it & from that was able to make a new life for myself.

What feels like the end of the world now can end up opening up interesting new beginnings when the grief processing has been experienced for a few years.

I agree, those thoughts that your mom won't be able to see all those wonderful things happening in your lives & that does hurt but her memory lives on in all of you & she will be there in your hearts even though not there physically.

Loss is always difficult especially when you think things are finally going well & getting better & when there is trauma involved in her death that makes your grieving process all that much more difficult as there can also be some anger feeling in there regarding her putting you through what you had to go through because of what happened (at least I experienced that).

Death of a loved one/close family is NEVER an easy thing to deal with& takes a long time to process especially when the feeling that the death shouldn't have happened (unlike someone dying of cancer that may be inevitable or after a long term with Alzheimer's). There are a lot of very difficult emotions to deal with & it does take a long time.

My prayers are with you & your whole family during this very difficult time.