((((((((( Gem ))))))))

You've done well!

alot of times a survivor of sexual abuse have alot of difficulties with sexual acts and sex itself. that's its own thing.

however, more and sometimes worse feelings/difficulties can occur when pleasure does come into play. for our minds to associate pleasure with "that" can be very confusing and lead to self-berating thoughts and other issues.

i don't have advice on how you can help yourself feel better with it. i do know what helped me and that was the altogether healing with reminding myself that this was my husband and how it was supposed to be.

i just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that when you'd think, "ah, now this is cool..." there can be a confusion when it's mixed with a new level of yuck. In fact, I think that was the most confusing for me...the new level of guilt, disgust, fear, upset that I wasn't using to "fighting".

Love,

KD