I lived 33 years with my H who was not capable of communicating. He said he was trying but there was never any sign that anything was REALLY changing.....it wasn't until just last year & researching Asperger's that I found the explanations that covered 100% of the struggles I was going through.

Yes, the pain was real.....it came across as passive aggressive, it came across as being financially irresponsible & at times it even felt like mental abuse but it wasn't something he was doing intentionally it was because he was incapable of connecting emotionally & because he was incapable of communicating & understanding what was being said to him.....he lived in his own world & there was no place for anyone else in it. Back in those days, Asperger's wasn't known about or Dx'ed until 1994 here in the US & by that time, my depression was so bad, all attention ended up on that thinking it was JUST my reaction to loosing my own engineering career rather than to the bad marriage I had been living in for so long....blindly thinking much of the time that it was my fault the marriage was bad but I couldn't stop fighting what I knew was wrong which made the marriage environment even worse.

Who knows what might be behind the inability to have communication within your own marriage. Marriage is difficult enough when there are no mental issues going on.....throw that into the mix & it makes it all that much more complicated to figure out & resolve problems that exist.