I'm wondering if anyone has figured out how to get around this issue.

Yesterday I went to a my AA meeting. I have been depressed lately but I always look forward to the meeting and some of the people I see. I went early, which is normal for me, to spend time with "my guys" who set up. They are wonderful people from 40 - 70 years old and I love them to pieces. I always feel good aroung them.

Yesterday was no different - I spent great quality time with them before the meeting. I felt pretty good. Someone shared in the meeting that when they are spiritually sound, what other people have does not affect them. But if they are a little off the beam, they may start feeling the why's (why can't I have more things, more money, more love, etc). He said he needs to stay in his own life and be grateful for what he has and accept what he has.

That hit me strong - I raised my hand to share and when called on, fell apart. This was not like me at all - I never cry in meetings. I was just a mess and all of a sudden all these words came out of my mouth that i didn't know where they came from. I was angry with my higher power that I have a chronic pain condition that is not going to go away.

I realized that I have to try to find a way to accept what has been dealt to me. Up to now, I've just been chasing doctors to see how to make it go away. Even when they have told me it won't - that the best that I can hope for is to be be able to cope better, I still think something is going to take it away.

I guess the thing that hit me the most, that I wonder if other people have conquered, is how can you feel so many things and not know it? Why is it that it took someone to say something that all of a sudden burst this dam in my brain? I feel like I don't know myself when it seems all I do is put on a smiley face and pretend life is grand. The bad part is many times I don't realize I'm pretending.

So frustrated - any ideas? Thanks for making it this far on this lengthy post

-tranquility