RACEKA, Two things have kept me quiet in this way. Shame is one, fear is the other. I don't deserve either. To speak openly, I have had to work deliberately to give the shame back to who it belongs -- the abusers. And I have had to work deliberately to find safety for myself today, now that I am old enough to take care of myself.

I guess what I'm saying is, the first step for me really wasn't speaking about the details of what was done to me -- those things were disgusting. Instead, I had to find ways to take care of myself first, to rebuild myself so that I wasn't so afraid and wasn't carrying around so much undeserved guilt. The first step for me was to see what I could say about myself that was beautiful. From there, I have worked to regain my voice, the voice that was silenced by the abusers.

You are not alone. Keep reaching out for support.

Be well,

mtd