IG - I recommend finding another therapist ASAP so that you have someone to turn to if your feelings become unmanageable. You need to cut this off immediately if you believe the relationship is toxic and harmful. And email saying: "Today was my last appointment. I will not be coming back. Please do not try to contact me." will do the job.

I echo what the others have mentioned - it's not your fault. Your therapist may still love you, or have loved you in the past, but so can many other people who won't treat you badly. She obviously didn't lay down boundaries she could work with on an ongoing basis. Her loose boundaries might have worked 90% of the time, but if she has a bad day, gets sick (as you mentioned), or takes up a boyfriend she probably wants space and that doesn't jive with the expectations she laid out for you.

Also, I think keeping realistic therapy expectations is important. Unconditional love and positive regard doesn't exist. I have a lot of respect for people on this board, and the honestly and bravery they have confessing intense feelings for their Ts. However, not all Ts know how to deal with the feelings, and many get overwhelmed and smothered. The more some express needs (sometimes in strangling ways), the more some of the Ts want to distance themselves. That kind of intensity is a lot of pressure for anyone, even trained professionals.

In general and with the exception of extenuating crises, Ts don't want to get constant walls of emails that are impossible to respond to, texts when they are out with their families, calls in the night, and so on. They don't want to feel guilty for having their own personal time, getting sick, or just existing without having to be responsible for others 24/7. I know a lot of it comes with the territory, but we can't forget that they are people too.

Again IG, I don't mean to imply that all that has to do with you, but it's a theme that comes up on this board. Out of session contact has been really problematic for me - and I think many people (including myself) have had to learn the hard way that we need to be respectful of Ts time and feelings outside of session to keep a good therapeutic relationship. Your T didn't handle what she felt was a boundary violation properly, and that's all on her. But her attacking you seemed to imply that she was frustrated and overwhelmed which your text probably contributed to. I can see how she might think... "Geez, I can't even take a sick day without taking care of someone else's needs first!"

Hopefully this didn't come out harshly. She set the rules, and couldn't live up to the image she built for herself which wasn't realistic to begin with.