little me
kt
loves my t
sometimes she thinks shes a cat
a baby cat
she'll rub up against his neck
and goto sleep
purring in his lap

but she won't.

'cause j keeps her hidden safely away
behind stone and iron and steel
a safe place
a cell

so she won't get hurt.

but j's a bit of a demon
so w. had to come to quiet her
he had to come to push all of that
deep
deep
hidden away
don't want to be close to anyone

so nobody else gets hurt.

layers upon layers.

he's boring, no fun.
so along comes fun.
mischief...
seduction...
drugs to numb...
playfulness...

layers upon layers.

the stories in my head.

hanging my head with shame
don't do anything
don't move
where the visual field ends
the inner world extends

so hurt
so hurt
so hurt

valium is a wonderful drug
releases some of those chemicals
usually released with social interaction
the benefits of positive social experiences
lying snuggled up in bed
with valium inside me

falling apart.
cracks here cracks there
see my t tomorrow
just want to feel safe
just want to feel safe
but if he makes me feel safe
it hurts
:-(
break out the valium.

sweet pain
theres something soothing about pain
sweet pain
soothing pain
constant pain
pain in the absence of shock