Patagonia is right, sex is in the brain...you don't HAVE to have working genitals to have sex, or enjoy it.

But there has to be some balance in the sexual appetites of couples. I'm not saying that people should have sex if they don't want to, but there are many times in relationships where one partner's sex drive is higher. Obviously men can have sex at the drop of a hat, and women can have sex for hours when a man can't.

You'll have to consider whether the masturbating (to porn or otherwise) is causing the lack of sex, or the lack of sex is causing the masturbating. After a while, many people just find that it is too much effort to try and get their partner into the mood, so...they just self-pleasure to release the tension. This becomes a vicious cycle where sex intercourse is dismissed for the ease and speed of masturbation.

Believe me...I know this situation too. I masturbate at least 3-5 times a week. I would have sex that often, but my wife has stated many times that she does not need sex to feel fulfilled in our marriage. She says if I want sex, I have to "bring her into it". I have tried many times, including taking a Viagra, and she ends up not "getting there". I end up with a raging erection and having to take care of myself, as she isn't even willing to finish me manually. I end the night with a massive headache (Viagra side-effect), and disappointed. It's no wonder I'd rather jerk off to porn...no rejection and no headache, just a wonderful release.

Unfortunately, I have no answers or useful advice to give. The only thing I can say is to use your mind more often when you masturbate. Avoid porn...use your imagination. Maybe you can also masturbate with your wife...instead of being alone.